Sammy Hello Clarence, you don't look very well today. I haven't seen you moving around much recently.
Clarence No I have a bad cold. A touch of flu. I've only moved three inches since last week.
Sammy You should take more exercise like me. It is hard to believe that I have moved a good three feet since yesterday.
Clarence I don't believe it, you were always the one for boasting.
Sammy It's true. I was eating that leaf over there for lunch yesterday and now I am here talking to you.
Clarence I think sometimes you forget that you are a snail Sammy. I am just happy to stay in my shell and watch the world go by. It is all a mad rush these days. Look there is another one rushing about.
Sammy Going somewhere Katie?
Katie I have a very important date with a cabbage. I understand it has particularly delicious leaves.
Sammy That's all you think of, food. Surely you will be coming of age soon?
Katie You mean when I become a butterfly. I have to turn into a chrysalis first and hang from a twig with nothing to do for weeks, sometimes months if it is wintertime. But it is all worth it in the end. Such freedom fluttering about the place collecting nectar. I do hope I won't be a Cabbage White. They are so common you know; no idea of fashion with those boring white wings. I would much prefer to be a Red Admiral, now they do have a touch of class.
Sammy If you go on eating those cabbages then I think you are going to be unlucky. Why don't you try the odd carrot or two? They should put a little colour into your wings.
Katie Do you really think so? I will give it a try. Must be off, thank you for your advice, hope the cold gets better Clarence, goodbye.
Clarence You must not pull her legs so Sammy. You know perfectly well that it is not what someone eats that affects how they grow up but what they inherited from their ancestors.
Sammy I can't help taking her down a peg or two, though, with all her airs and graces. After all she is a drab enough insect at the moment.
Clarence I know but look what she will grow into, a beautiful butterfly. I have got an annoying buzzing in my ears, my cold must be getting worse.
Sammy No it's not. That buzzing is coming from Billy Bee if I am not much mistaken. We have been on his flight path all week.
Willie You have got a cold Clarence.
Clarence I know I have got a cold. Why don't you buzz off like a good bee.
Willie Wasp if you don't mind, I exchanged routes with Billie yesterday. Anyway I look a lot different to a bee. I have a nice stripy jersey whilst a bee has to put up with that dingy brown cardigan and live in crowed tenements called hives. Wasps have more spacious accommodation with only a few hundred living together. There is a branch of the family, called miners, who dig themselves holes in the ground to live in. But enough about my family, I really dropped in to say that there is a stranger in the forest.
Sammy What sort of stranger?
Willie I am not sure. It's got two legs and two arms but the species is new to me. Weird dress sense so it is probably female. Can't stop any longer as I must tell the others.
Sammy That is exciting news, I wonder what this stranger is doing?
Clarence Up to no good I don't doubt.
Sammy You are a pessimist. I get tired of all the old faces. It is nice to meet someone new.
Clarence How do you know you are going to meet?
Sammy Because that someone is coming towards us through the trees.
Anthea Good afternoon. I am Anthea Ant, from the colony across the river.
Clarence You are very big for an ant, and shouldn't you have more legs?
Anthea That is not a very polite thing to say to someone you are meeting for the first time. But as you have asked: Yes I have been told that many times, it is all to do with the progress of science. But I really have no time for idle chatter, the government has decided......
Sammy Hang on a minute; what government? We haven't got a government.
Anthea You have now. The colony has decided that it would be much better if all the animals and insects were better organised and made laws so that we could control our lives better.
Clarence Why should we want to do that? we are happy enough as we are, and what right have the ants to decide for us anyway?
Anthea Because we are so much better organised than anyone else already. Every ant has a specific job; workers to do all the mundane tasks around the colony; warriors for defence and attack; drones to look after the queen. No time is lost by insects mooning about with nothing to do. Your position and job in the colony is laid down from the day one hatches. I am the first of a new breed called the diplomatic ant. Now don't you think this is a wonderful system?
Sammy No I don't! It sounds like a nightmare to me, you won't catch me belonging to something like that.
Anthea You have no choice, we have just had a democratic election.
Sammy What democratic election? No one asked for my vote.
Anthea It wasn't necessary. The 1000,000 eligible voters in the ant colony easily outnumber all other possible voters so it was considered a waste of time to contact you.
Sammy Well we will see about that.
Rufus What is all this noise? I was just enjoying a lazy afternoon in my burrow when I heard raised voices. It is too bad. A rabbit has to have an afternoon siesta if he is to keep the grass down to a manageable length. We don't have lawn mowers in the forest you know.
Sammy This oversized ant here.....
Anthea Anthea if you don't mind.
Sammy Well Anthea here seems to think that her colony across the river has taken us over for our own good.
Rufus Why would they want to do that? We are happy as we are.
Anthea But look at you, lying around all day chewing carrots.
Rufus I would have you know, young lady, that chewing carrots improves the eyesight and as I said I help to keep the grass down.
Anthea But you don't do anything constructive, build communities, organise a labour force, enrol armies; in fact your life is a complete waste of time.
Rufus What a lot of rubbish you talk. I enjoy my life. I do what I want like all the other animals around here. Why should I want to build communities? I have a nice burrow which I inherited from my parents and fifty children, up to yesterdays count. Most of them thankfully having now left home. The only thing I used to worry about was Freddie Fox, but he has now emigrated to the big city as he evidently much prefers foraging in rubbish bins to eating rabbit. No accounting for taste. I feel rather offended but suppose I shouldn't grumble as I seem to have many more relation now.
Sammy Clarence and I don't have to worry about accommodation either; we have our own houses on our backs, very convenient.
Clarence Living in the same house all one's life is boring though and it does slow one down. I sometimes long for new sights and sounds. That log over there is as far as I have ever travelled and seems like a distant country to me.
Anthea I can't understand any of this. As I said, there has been a democratic vote.....
Sammy Democratic vote be blowed.
Anthea A democratic vote has been taken and it has been decided that this part of the forest is to be organised into a labour group for the good of the animals and insects in it. Taxes to be paid directly to the central administration.
Clarence And where is that?
Anthea Ant city.
Sammy Ant city now, I thought it was known as a hill.
Anthea No we have changed the name. Hill was not dignified enough. But you are wasting my time. The forest is allowed to send one representative to sit on the council, you have a week to choose who it is.
Rufus What if we choose not to choose?
Anthea Then our ant army will take this region over and govern it by a military dictatorship; so don't delay too long in sending your representative.
Sammy This is terrible, I think she means it. What are we to do?
Clarence Let's arrange a meeting of the forest animals and find out what they have to say.
Sammy How are we going to do that? The speed we move at it will be next year before we are able to contact them all. Rufus, you move fast why not hop around and see what you can do?
Rufus Oh really, why should I do all the work? It is supposed to be my siesta, remember? I have a better idea: Let's call Bertie Bird. He flies all over the place and I understand he has just started a messenger service.
Clarence How do we contact him?
Rufus Like this (he whistles). That should do it.
Sammy I hope this is a good idea. He is a little unconventional don't you think?
Rufus That's only because you don't like the hats he wears.
Sammy Well who has ever heard of a bird wearing a hat?
Rufus The Great Crested Crane wears a sort of a hat.
Sammy That's different, he was born with that. Bertie has a new one nearly every day. I am sure that it must be the company he keeps; those flamingos are such a flashy lot. But here he comes now.
Bertie Who called? The Eagle Messengers at your service.
Clarence You are not an eagle.
Bertie I know, but it does give the company a bit of class. Now what is the delivery?
Sammy No delivery, but we want you to find as many animals as possible and ask them to come here for a very important meeting.
Bertie They won't be told you know. It is summer and most of them are on holiday down by the river.
Sammy Well think of some story to make them come. It could be a matter of life or death.
Bertie Right Oh, squire, I'll do what I can.
Clarence That was exaggerating somewhat: "A matter of life and death."
Sammy It would be for us snails. If we had an ant army invading the forest we could never get out of the way in time.
Clarence True, but most of the animals would survive, they can move fast enough.
Sammy Now you are being an optimist. It would be better if you were a pessimist and spread doom and gloom so that we may convince others that something has to be done.
Clarence Yes, of course you are right.
Rufus I can see that the two of you have problems but ants shouldn't bother me too much.
Nice to see you again, Fenella, has Bertie told you about the meeting?
Fenella No, the last I saw of him he was searching frantically for his hat. Someone should really have a word with that bird, he has no flight sense at all. Now what is this all about?
Sammy It is about the ant colony getting above themselves. However I don't think we should start our discussion until more animals arrive.
Fenella I hope it won't take too long, my skin gets so dry in this warm weather I must look a frightful sight.
Sammy Doesn't a quick dip in the pond do the trick?
Fenella I suppose so, but it is getting so polluted these days I try and avoid doing that as much as possible and just wait for it to rain.
Sammy Can't you find an alternative way to keep your skin moist?
Fenella Well I did hear that Anna Conda was offering an ointment especially for frogs, but I suspect there may be an ulterior motive as several of my friends have failed to return from the snake clinic.
Clarence That does sound suspicious. But I see there is another animal coming. Looks like Basil Beaver.
Glad to see you Basil.
Basil What is this I heard from Bertie about a meeting?
Clarence Yes it is to discuss a very serious matter.
Basil I hope it is important I have better things to do than engage in idle chatter.
Rufus I haven't noticed you being very energetic around here; you spend most of the time wandering about with your nose in the air.
Basil That's good coming from you! We all know of your afternoon siestas. A large part of my time is spent in the stream building a dam. You don't realise how much work goes into that: First of all I have to estimate the materials I will need and calculate the stresses involved. Then comes the actual construction, trees have to be cut down and chopped up. All done with my teeth I would have you know.
Rufus More fool you. I would try and invent something to make it easier.
Basil Like what?
Rufus Well here's an idea; why not stick a whole row of old teeth into a length of wood and saw away at the tree with that?
Basil And your teeth look just the right size for the job. So why don't you shut up and let's get on with the meeting.
Sammy Now you two, stop bickering; this is getting us nowhere. Ah, Bertie is back at last.
Have you found anyone else, Bertie? At least I see you have found your hat.
Bertie My hat?.....Oh yes, it was caught on a branch. No there was no one else around. You will have to make do who you have got.
Basil A little more respect if you don't mind.
Sammy I am sure he did not mean to be rude. Now the situation is as follows: Anthea Ant has paid us a visit. The long and the short of it is that if we don't abide by the new laws and taxes that the ant colony have decided to impose over the whole area, including the forest, then they will send their army to enforce them.
Basil Well that should not affect us much, we just keep out of their way until they go home. I will swim about in the stream with Fenella here and we will be perfectly safe.
Rufus And I can hide in my burrow.
Sammy But what about us snails? We can't get out of their way.
Basil Yes....I see your point. Perhaps you can join us in the stream.
Sammy Don't be ridiculous, we can't swim.
Rufus There are such things as water snails.
Clarence They are very distant relatives who split from our side of the family many years ago. There was a nasty business over some snails becoming too friendly with a group of water boatmen. The family disowned them straight away and they have remained outcasts ever since.
Sammy None of you seem to understand the damage that an ant army can do. There would be many thousands of them and they destroy everything in their path: Grass, plants, and even trees, leaving nothing behind for the likes of us to eat even if we did survive their passing.
Basil That does put a different light on the matter. I see we will have to stop them, but how?
Rufus Why don't we send a representative to the council as ordered? Their army won't attack us then.
Sammy Do you really want to work all hours and pay taxes to a central government?
Rufus But we will have our representative there to speak for us.
Sammy Our representative, that's a joke! He will be out voted a thousand to one.
Basil We will have to think of a solution. I take it no one wants to be ruled by this so called government, or ant dictatorship as it really is?
Sammy No of course not.
Clarence (sneezing) All this worry is making my cold worse. Yes we must do something to stop them.
Basil What do you think Rufus?
Rufus I suppose you are right. I can't have a siesta with ants crawling all over the place.
Fenella I agree.
Basil Then we are all agreed; a plan of action is needed.
Rufus I hate it when I hear that word. Sounds like hard work to me.
Bertie Now just a minute, haven't I got a say?
Basil I had forgotten about you. I don't think bird brains can understand such complicated issues.
Bertie Oh that's nice very nice! I am glad I am so appreciated. Let me tell you there is more under this hat than you may think.
Rufus A beak for instance.
Bertie There you go again, making a mock of my abilities. How do you think birds manage to fly thousands of miles when they migrate each year, to return to the very spot where they were born. Just flapping their wings is not enough; it needs brains to work out the navigational problems.
Rufus If birds were so clever then why go to all that trouble to migrate each year. It seems to me that it would save a lot of bother and effort if they stayed in one place.
Bertie I will ignore that last remark. The problem facing us as I see it is that we have two alternatives: We send a representative to the council and become, for all practical purposes, slaves of the ants; or we don't.
Fenella Don't what?
Bertie We don't send a representative,; the army will then invade and impose the laws by force and bring famine to the forest.
Basil That is not much of an alternative. If that is all you have to say then you had better let someone else speak .
Bertie Let me finish. We therefore send a representative as requested.
Basil It gets worse, we need a solution not a silly suggestion like that.
Bertie Our representative will be Arry Aardvark.
Sammy Absolutely brilliant.
Basil I congratulate you, Bertie.
Fenella I don't quite see......
Sammy Oh Fenella you are not very quick. An aardvark's favourite food is ants. Their long nose is especially adapted to suck them up from anthills. He will devastate the colony in no time at all. To catch them by surprise we will send Bertie here as a messenger to say that our representative will be arriving in three days' time, taking care not to let on that it will be an aardvark. Right, I believe we can close the meeting now and safely say: "Problem solved."